


Liar Liar

by unorganizedCrime



Series: The KawoShin Archives [1]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: AU, Childhood Death, First Love, Flashback, Grief/Mourning, M/M, One Shot, One-Sided Relationship, Panic Attacks, Short & Sweet, slight depression, time skip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-02
Updated: 2013-06-02
Packaged: 2017-12-13 18:25:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/827413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unorganizedCrime/pseuds/unorganizedCrime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shinji gets a panic attack and cries and the floor, nothing new.</p><p>The first for my series KawoShin works.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Liar Liar

Hot water had been running over his hands for a while now, his skin was starting to sting to the point of numbness. At this point his hand was flashing red, practically begging to be moved. He winced a little, but Shinji couldn't be bothered to move it, he wasn't in his kitchen anymore.

He was lost in a cluster of high school memories from when he was an awkward teen, back to when he had been in love. They were days when he was happy, with friends, and always away from home. It was easier then, he remembers smiling with Toji and Kensuke and hanging out in the field when home didn't feel like home. Sometimes, he'd bring someone elsewith him. He remembers bringing the albino boy with him to the fields and stargazing. The other boy would always point out each constellation and Shinji would pretend to see the shape of each star. He didn't want to remember this, he wanted to forget about this curious albino boy. Shinji pulled his hand from the water and started pacing the kitchen. Why was this coming back now? He stopped pacing and gripped the kitchen counter. He remembered how the other boy taught him love and had practically smothered Shinji with it. Shinji started to remember how happy he was around the boy and started to feel guilty. Shinji felt his chest tighten and breath become uneasy as a panic attack slowly rears its ugly head. The memories did not stop, if anything they were beginning to become more vivid.  

He started to remember contours of his face and that soft smile that made Shinji squirm with butterflies. He started to remember the enigmatic way he spoke of the beauty of humans and earth, how the boy spoke so fondly of Shinji when others could only say criticize. His body trembled as he remembered when the boy said the first 'I love you' to Shinji. The albino's smell had started to fill the kitchen and made him dizzy. By now, Shinji remembers him gently whispering, the heat of his breath, and the feel of his lips. He had remembered who this was, he had remembered Kaworu. Shinji slid to the floor and hugged himself trying to his best to ride this out.

The boy holds his breath as he remembers when Kaworu confessed to him. They'd been walking from school and the sun was setting by now. It was only them, and he remembers the stone he'd been kicking around that he didn't see that he'd been lagging behind. Kaworu had walked up to him and reached for his hand, he held Shinji's hand so carefully it made him nervous. He looked up at him and saw how nervous Kaworu was, he'd never seen the other boy look nervous. There'd been a heavy silence as they stood on the sidewalk, Shinji had to ask what was wrong. Then Kaworu spoke, he whispered 'I love you' and gently kissed Shinji's cheek. He'd never been so happy and so conflicted at once, he didn't know what to say. It was so nice to hear the words from him of all people, but he was so afraid. He remembers rejecting Kaworu and how his smile started to wilt as he slowly let go of Shinji's hand. The other boy had nodded at him and strained out a smile before walking ahead.

Shinji dug his nails into his arms and banged his head on the counter door. If he had known what was going to happen to Kaworu he would've said I love you too, he would've kissed him back and hugged him so tight. He'd never let the other boy go because he did love him, but he couldn't tell him the truth. Fat tears rolled down his cheeks as he groaned lowly and curled into a ball. 

"I'm a liar." 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> It's short I know, sorry. I'll try to write more for other ones.


End file.
